Fragments
by SilverBlades
Summary: -Oneshot, Suzaku-centric- Because he is Zero, and Zero never forgets.


**Author's note: Yes, so, I watched the entire Code Geass series recently. I love Suzaku, and I simply don't really understand why so many people loathe him. So this is for Suzaku. Because he's suffered just as much. =) **

***I don't write much, prefer reading, so pardon me. This is my first Code Geass fic.**

**Summary: [One-shot] [Suzaku-centric] Because he is Zero, and Zero never forgets.**

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After the war, Zero continues to attend every single diplomatic meeting he is expected to, accompanying Nunnally and staying true to his goal of making the world a peaceful place to live in. It was what Euphie had wanted. He watches as Nunnally grows in maturity and confidence, becoming more adept at handling diplomatic matters. And as time goes by, Zero speaks less and less. It is as Lelouch had said. Zero, is only a symbol. He exists to bring the people of the world hope for a brighter future, to give people a reason to believe. He exists as the protector of the people. At times, however, he wonders when he could stop being Zero, because he is _so tired_ of being here. He'd like nothing more than to take off his mask once and for all, but he thinks that most probably, he has forgotten how to be himself. Once he stops being Zero, who is he? He is nothing more than a shell left of the boy so full of hopes, once in a long ago.

Cecil and Lloyd have stayed with him, somehow. It was a foolish thought, he admits, to think that those two people, closer to him than his own parents had ever been, would not recognize his movements on the day Zero killed the Emperor of Britannia and restored balance to the world. Cecil, especially, would have figured it out quickly. She worries for him, he knows, just like the way a mother would for her son. And yet, he doesn't do anything, he can't do anything, because living like this was a curse he accepted the moment he took Zero's mask in his hands and promised to kill his best friend. Sometimes he is bitter that they have stuck around, unintentionally reminding him of his days as the White Knight, because he knows he can never return to that. And yet, deep down, he knows he is glad that his adopted family, however weird, he muses, has remained by his side. They have, after all, given him some semblance of sanity.

He finds Arthur one day clawing at his window, clamouring to be let inside. For a moment, he is struck by the memory of a princess with brilliant pink hair, crouching down and meowing to the cat. Arthur used to bite him a lot, he recalls. Seeing Arthur comfortably curled up on his bed reminds him of how he loved cats. He wonders how Arthur found him, but can come up with no logical explanation. And so, Arthur joins the ranks of the few who know who he used to be. When he carries Arthur in his arms, he remembers a tale long ago, of King Arthur and his knight, Sir Lancelot. And while stroking the cat's soft fur, he absent-mindedly ponders, what happened of King Arthur and Sir Lancelot in the end. He realizes, regrettably, that he never bothered to find out. But then, he isn't Lancelot anymore, he isn't the White Knight anymore. He died a long time ago. And Lancelot stays unused. One, because there isn't much need for Knightmares anymore. And, Lloyd has told him, in a rare bout of sensitivity, because Lancelot can only be piloted by him.

He watches daily as people around him mourn for the ones they lost in the war. Husbands, friends, sons. Killed in the war between Britannia and Zero. Lelouch, he thinks. Seen by Lelouch as dispensable pawns in a huge chess game. That is the reason, he knows, why he could never win a single chess game against Lelouch all those years ago. While Lelouch knows there are sacrifices that must be made, and some lives have to be lost for the king to win, he has always tried his utmost best to preserve every piece on the board. To him, every single one of them is important. All those people were killed by Zero, by Lelouch, no, he thinks, for he is Zero now. Sentenced to death by Zero, by him. He is sometimes awoken at night by Nunnally's whimpers in her sleep next door, crying out for her lost brother, and he wonders why people think that dying is the most painful. After all, he thinks, it's those left behind that hurt the most.

In the beginning, Nunnally calls him by his name. Suzaku. Suzaku. Suzaku. Part of him screams to respond to that name, but he knows all too well; Kururugi Suzaku died over a year ago fighting against Kouzuki Kallen. He is Zero now, and nothing else. He longs for those days when he was Kururugi Suzaku, when he believed in happily-ever-afters. He gently tells Nunnally that he is Zero now, and Kururugi Suzaku is no more. But, even as Zero, he never stops trying to make Nunnally's wishes reality. For Lelouch, he decides. For the princess he failed to protect. And for Nunnally herself, because he doesn't want her to stop believing in miracles, doesn't want her to lose faith in happiness. He will make certain that Nunnally is happy, because Lelouch is no longer here to do so. He will be strong enough for the both of them. He remembers a time when the three of them lived in bliss, way back when they were so sure they would always be happy. It is sad, he muses, that now one of them is dead, and the other can never be truly happy without her brother. He, too, has forgotten what it's like to be happy.

He knows now. That fairytales don't exist, and there's no such thing as a happy ending. He has realized this since the day he held his dying princess in his arms. Has resigned himself to that fact since the day he held Euphemia's hand in his own trembling ones, watching as she slipped away from him and he _couldn't do anything to save her_. He can still remember clearly struggling to stay by her side for always, even as grabbing, firm hands restrained him from racing to her side. He hates that he failed to protect her, just like he failed all those who died in that damned war. It's ironic, he muses, that he of all people became a destroyer to save people. Bitterly, he recalls his vow of long ago.

"_Even then, I want to become a destroyer who saves people."_

In the midst of his pondering, he recalls that he promised Euphie that he would finish school for her sake. He wishes he had, and wonders if she forgives him for going back on his word. Kururugi Suzaku doesn't exist now, and can't go to school. For all his attempts to give up his past, he simply can't seem to discard the badge Euphie gave to him so long ago. It is a memory of Euphie, and his most treasured possession.

Gino is the last of the handful of people who know the identity of the new Zero. It is an admirable fact, he thinks, that Gino still doesn't give up on his quest to make him smile. Day after day, he endures wisecracks and lame puns, all of which have long lost their novelty. In hindsight, he is glad Gino is there, because someone is needed to make everyone smile, and he himself has long forgotten how. Sometimes, Gino slips up and calls him Suzaku. Suzaku doesn't say anything, because maybe, just maybe, he'd like to remember who he used to be.

Kururugi Suzaku envies Lelouch. Lelouch has died, and hence is free of the burden of remembering. He is, at times, bitter of the fact that he cannot die. God knows he has wanted to. He'd like to finally rest after all that has happened, to close his eyes and never wake up. But he can't. He is Zero, and Zero never forgets.

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***Okay, Suzaku fans, sound off! Just so I know I'm not the only one. =)**

*** No flames; you're entitled to your own opinion, but if you hate Suzaku, you really shouldn't be reading this.**

*** Any constructive criticism about the writing in general is appreciated; I'm honestly quite out of touch with the narrative style. Too much expository writing.**

***Please review!  
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